Archive for September, 2010
Thursday, September 30th, 2010 by Sean
“I was amused — Jon Stewart, the host of ‘The Daily Show,’ apparently he is going to host a rally called something like Americans in Favor of a Return to Sanity or something like that. And his point was, you know, 70 percent of the people, it doesn’t matter what their political affiliation are, 70 percent of the folks are just like you, which is they’re going about their business, they’re working hard every day, they’re looking after their families. They don’t go around calling people names. They don’t make stuff up. They may not be following every single issue, because they just don’t have time. But they are just expecting some common sense and some courtesy in how people interact. And having those voices lifted up is really important. So hopefully, since they’ve got a whole bunch of cameras here, somebody was just listening to you.”
— Barack Obamer, speaking at a town hall meeting in Richmond, Virginia yesterday afternoon. You may not care for his policies, style, or field goals, but you have to appreciate his earnest appeals to rational numbers.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010 by Sean
If you think about it, money never sleeps.
Then again, neither do benches.
I don’t know what I would do with billions of dollars. I highly doubt there would be many lavish expenditures, though–maybe a commercial space jaunt here and there, definitely the third season of Party of Five (Bailey has a problem!), but certainly not the fleeting excess of your Wests and Winfreys.
When it comes to that real gnarly wealth, we’re constantly reminded of the hazardous trappings, but seldom of the potential to do real good good. When people amass extraordinary wealth and decide to give it back to society, our whole thing works so much better.
This year’s winners were heterogenous to a fault: the dude who brought us Verdana, the Bird who speaks to dolphins, the scribe that made wires famous, and a bevy of other bosses. The no-strings-attached $500,000 awards are not meant as “a reward for past accomplishment,” but “rather an investment in a person’s originality, insight, and potential.”
Evidently, “the purpose of the MacArthur Fellows Program is to enable recipients to exercise their own creative instincts for the benefit of human society.”
Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 by Nimesh
Let’s take a moment, all of us, to reflect on our mothers. Because there is no others. For completely non-personal reasons (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!), I present Mr. T’s advice on how we should all treat our moms.
Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 by Nick
Monday, September 27th, 2010 by Papa Zig
Papa Zig transmitted this joke via a pirate broadcast from his remote Siberian compound. Don’t let that fool you though- this joke is a not a Yakov Smirnoff joke.
Friday, September 24th, 2010 by Sean
We’re lucky to live in a generation rich with derivative dance moves. Since I’m no VH1, I can’t speak to the preponderance in bygone eras, but as a living, breathing, sponging member of the 21st, I can safely say we have much greater access to the most dubious of dances: There’s the dice throwing popularized by Knocked Up, the cereal-ailse inspired shopping cart, innumerable permutations of the sprinkler, and — perhaps the most reviled dance of September 2010 — the churning of the butter.
While these gyrations are undeniably functional as sophomoric entertainment, one is forced to wonder if they offer any real appeal to the fairer, more dance prone sex. After all, dancing is rarely just about entertaining. It’s about bravado, expression, release, and maybe winning over that girl. What makes a good male dancer? Can mere self-assurance convince a crowd?
Not so much, evidently. A recent British study says that the key may be in the torso. A crack team of psychologists at the University of Northumbria (The Fightin’ Umbras!) digitized video footage of some randomly selected strutting stallions and showed the videos to a panel of women for evaluation. To their own misfortune, the majority of men displayed “highly receptive moves that used their arms and legs, but not the rest of their bodies.” Beware! It looked something like this:
The dudes who got love showed “a varied repertoire and more moves that involved tilting and twisting the torso and neck.” Behold the reckoning:
After millennia of plumbing the question “What do women want?” we now know: Carlton.
Monday, September 20th, 2010 by Nick
Monday, September 20th, 2010 by Christopher
Sunday, September 19th, 2010 by Sean
Friday, September 17th, 2010 by Christopher