Archives: 2015 November

Archive for November, 2015

Shia La Shia

I Love You

Fresh Paint


A couple of guys get a job working at a ranch. On the ranch, there’s a beautiful girl, the daughter of the man who owns the ranch. She comes out every day, gets on her horse, takes the horse for a ride, comes back, goes in the house. The big guy says to the little guy, “I want to talk to her. How do I talk to her?” Little guy says, “Tell you what you do—it’s easy: Paint one of her horse’s legs green, she’ll talk to you.”

The big guy paints one of the horse’s legs green. She comes out, she looks beautiful in her riding outfit, goes out for her ride, comes back, goes into the house, doesn’t say a word. Big guy says, “You lie to me, she not say anything!” Little guy says, “All right, paint all of the horse’s legs green, she’ll talk to you.” Big guys says, “All right. I do that, you better be right.”

So he paints all four of the horse’s legs green, and she comes out in an even more beautiful riding outfit, she looks amazing, she goes for a ride, comes back, goes in the house, doesn’t say a word. Big guy says, “I’m going to hurt you, you lie to me, make a fool of me.” And the little guy goes, “Okay, you paint the whole horse green and you can beat the crap out of me if she doesn’t talk to you.”

Big guy stays up all night. Two coats on the horse—the horse is completely green. She comes out in her riding outfit looking gorgeous, she looks at the horse, and she says, “Why is my horse painted green?” The big guy responds: “You wanna fuck?”

Timberlake / Stapleton 2016

Hello Again.


You Used To Call Me On Your Cell Phone Late Night When You Trick Or Treat

And I know when that Halloween
I can only be one thing…

Farm Pig Saving Time

A guy’s driving down an old country road and he sees a farmer in his orchard feeding his pigs, but what he’s doing is he’s taking one pig at a time, holding him up, letting him eat an apple out of the tree, and then setting him down before picking up another pig and letting him eat an apple. So the guy pulls over and walks up to the farmer and he says, “Wouldn’t it save time to just knock all the apples on the ground and let the pigs eat them all at once?” And the farmer, confused, looks at him and says, “What’s time to a pig?”